Gravity between lovers...

Martin ran around the building screaming “I’ve proved Einstein wrong!” at the top of his lungs.

 

Every head peeked out of their office doors into the hall and saw Martin jumping up and down in excitement yelling “I’ve proved Einstein wrong!”  Everybody was wondering if he had figured out why relativity and quantum mechanics equations don’t seem to work out together or if he had found something that can travel faster than light.  Dr. Mutter bubbled out of his room at these words and ran into Martin with all his excitement.  He thought his frustrations would come to an end right then and there.  He had been praying hard to god to give him the solution immediately.  He could not sustain any longer.  He had been feeling so depressed and frustrated he had been cursing god and crying in his heart and letting out salty tears.

 

Dr. Mutter hugged and squeezed Martin hard as he ran into him almost making Martin fall backwards.  His voice ruptured out of his insides, “What’s the solution? What’s the solution? Pray thee, do tell fast.”  Dr. Mutter’s heart beat faster than the speed of thought almost as if he was meeting the lost love of his life.  Speed of thought of course is faster since we can imagine a star 20 light years away in a minute where as light would take 20 years to describe it to us.

 

Dr. Mutter hollered to the peeking heads, “This boy has found the solution! He has found the solution! Oh my, we will be the first to know the solution nobody ever knew!”

 

“Dr. Mutter! The solution is that there is gravity between lovers and the vibes they feel are gravitational waves!  Einstein was wrong in saying that ‘Gravity certainly cannot be held responsible for people falling in love’ and hereby, I declare I’ve proved Einstein wrong!  We need to create an understanding of the lovetime curvature due to love!  Quick! Start writing down the tensors!  'Love' is the integral of 'Like' with respect to time, 'Love at first sight' is the Dirac-Delta function.  This means that love at first sight will cause the dimensions to curve similar to a blackhole causing lovetime to curve!”

 

“Great, so these vibes obviously cause ripples that move faster than light in lovetime.  Can’t you already feel love for your counterpart in a world so far away on the other side of the universe from where light can’t reach you but you’ll never know how fast these vibes move,” responded Dr. Mutter.

 

Although, Dr. Mutter found fascination in Martin’s theory, he quickly found his tears back.  He wanted to hate god but now he couldn’t get himself to feel as sad as he did just a few minutes before Martin’s outbreak.  It was as if god had sent Martin to make Dr. Mutter relax his intense depression due to not understanding why relativity and quantum mechanics equations put together yielded infinities.  Dr. Mutter felt tricked.  God had tricked Dr. Mutter into hating him with less intensity.

 

From that day on the theory that one can never determine how fast love waves move since the understanding is beyond human ability became known as Dr. Mutter’s Uncertainty Principle in ScientificChess.

 

© 2006 Aditya Mittal.  All rights reserved.